Reflections of A.D.D.

[Kevin]

At this point, I don't have a clue of what I was thinking.. I simply opened up MS word and started typing:
Rant 1-
As of late, I have been deeply reflecting upon the world in which we live. It almost seems that there is no limit to the destruction of savagery and disaster in this world. Whether man made or nature, there is always a sense instilled in most that insists that, “We shall overcome”. It makes me thin deeply about the trials and tribulations of our fragile human life. In one minute, you can encapsulate the best this life has to offer, and another moment you may be pouring out your last ounce of regret before you are ready to give in to the hardships of all that remains to be accomplished. Was our entrance into this world to overcome, or to merely survive? I can’t help but think that in some grand way, either than random chaos, that it lends to only suggest that we are truly endowed by our own image, created by what we’re surrounded by. That as if somehow, the greater purpose in life is not to just merely to survive or succeed at conquering all that causes us injustice. Instead I find this life widely depending on the truths that make us human and the duties that make us fallible.

Rant 2-

Whether lost in faith or dreaming of tomorrow, it matters not how we live. What matters is how we strive. The greatness that is to become solely rests on the shoulders of determination. I take a minute and give thanks for all that this life has offered to me. So many great opportunities, that whether or not I have actually deserved them, or taken full advantage of them. I feel that I am fortunate to be given such a chance. The wandering reality of all that we fear realizes no strength of which we hold true. Inconsistent and incoherent, I find my mind running in a million different directions. It’s almost as if I’ve looked to map queset to find my way around life. You never find out where you really need to be because you always find yourself making a wrong turn in trying to ‘think **** out’. Its so amazing that I could be so misfortuneate to slob through thought li,e this all the time. It takes not dream, It only takes action to produce the hero within.


__END RANT__

Does anyone else's mind race a million miles a minute? Always ending up with non-sensical bull****? Man I'm tired.
kevin

[P-rotege]

All the time, it's pretty much never-ending... My friends think it's funny because I seem to make "random" remarks all the time, never seeming to quite coincide with the current topic of conversation. I do the same thing, just scribbling all the thoughtsin my head. I prefer to write because it feels more refreshing to use my hands to portray my thoughts dirctly to the paper rather than typing on a keyboard.

I will not post my rants though, being of a deppressive/ pessimistic nature I tend to fall more into the survival perspective rather than the overcoming aspect. I truly see very little that humans are ever really supposed to accomplish other than survival. All accomplishments are only mental successes anyway, one man's accomplishment can be another man's failure. It all comes down to personal perspective. I only see humans as any other animal, surviving in our own little worlds, accomplishing day-to-day objectives to satisfy our curious nature. As a race we have overcome much, as have all animals surviving currently, that I believe is the duty of any which wish to survive. I often wish the human race had some sort of ultimate goal, but I fail to see anything more ever happening than procreation and continued survival. One day we may perhaps inhabit our entire solar system, or maybe the universe, but we will always be human and to that end the lazy man on the couch is no different than the millionaire who busts his ass every day. Blah blah blah.

My rants are always negative, and filled with a mix of disgust and apathy for things in this world. Therefore I will not post them as I feel no need to share my negative outlook with others who feel much differently. That is not to say that I feel life is a waste, my life is my most precious possession, but I feel I am no different than any other human of this world, and whether I died now, or in 40yrs I fail to see any change in the ultimate survival of the human race. I just realize that I am but a single grain of sand on a beach, no better or worse than anyone else. So I tinker with my cars, and make my trivial life seem meaningful by accomplishing what I feel is important, always watching my life clock until one day it does expire and I will be no more....

[mazdaboy1974]

Mine is different than that my attention span is small nothing interest me for longer than 5 mins or so It is often confused with laziness or stupidy but simply its me just getting boerd For example when i work on anything (I.E. my HO scale railroad My 323) ill start on one project then a few mins later ill leave that first thing and start another it is a vicious cycle that consumes my entire life. (jobs family reading ect.)Never reaching a goal just digging myself into many holes that meet into one huge hole i cannot get out of.

[Kevin]

I've found happiness in doing repetitive jobs. It's probably been the best defense that I have against ADD. I've tried taking medication for it, but I get too lazy for even remembering that every now and again. I have been able to hold jobs for a longer period of time, thank heavens. I don't know.
Kevin

[P-rotege]

Mine is different than that my attention span is small nothing interest me for longer than 5 mins or so It is often confused with laziness or stupidy but simply its me just getting boerd For example when i work on anything (I.E. my HO scale railroad My 323) ill start on one project then a few mins later ill leave that first thing and start another it is a vicious cycle that consumes my entire life. (jobs family reading ect.)Never reaching a goal just digging myself into many holes that meet into one huge hole i cannot get out of.

Yep, I have never been diagnosed with A.D.D. but my little brother has it, maybe I should consult my doc. On a daily bases here at work I usually start a scan then check club pro, then check my e-mail, then start a print, then check my checking acct, then my ameritrade acct, then search ebay, then search google for whatever is on my mind for that second, then talk to my co-worker, then wander around my area, go outside, then go around the complex and talk to the cute girls, come back in, and begin the cleaning process for the new scanned image, then repeat... This is the same reason I have three unfinished project cars, and am always looking for a new one to play with as I get bored with with anything I have for more than a week or so. I just seem to collect **** out of boredom...

I also can't sit through movies, and cannot sit still, either I twitch a lot (shake my knees, tap my foot, etc) or just get up and wander around. It drives my dad crazy because I never stop moving

Reading is difficult because I can't focus on anything longer than a magzine article in a car mag before my mind wanders erratically again, I need to get more water for my desk... Oh yeah and for some strange reason I can play some video games for a while before my mind goes astray.

[mazdaboy1974]

Do you find yourself getting mad for little stuff or no reason at all? why a asked this is i do alot. I was diagnoised wuth ADD at 14 abd i am 31 now I take no meds for the reason i forget (I forget alot) Or just do not want to because i feel they are not working and cannot see why spending money on meds that are not helping me at all. I spend most of my time daydreaming about various things while i am working, driving, or on the computer.like i stated before i cannot stay on just one task or finish a task or rush through a task just to get it out of the way because i just boerd of that paticlar task.

My friends think it's funny because I seem to make "random" remarks all the time, never seeming to quite coincide with the current topic of conversation.

I do this alot also.

I will not post my rants though, being of a deppressive/ pessimistic nature I tend to fall more into the survival perspective rather than the overcoming aspect. I truly see very little that humans are ever really supposed to accomplish other than survival. All accomplishments are only mental successes anyway, one man's accomplishment can be another man's failure. It all comes down to personal perspective. I only see humans as any other animal, surviving in our own little worlds, accomplishing day-to-day objectives to satisfy our curious nature. As a race we have overcome much, as have all animals surviving currently, that I believe is the duty of any which wish to survive. I often wish the human race had some sort of ultimate goal, but I fail to see anything more ever happening than procreation and continued survival. One day we may perhaps inhabit our entire solar system, or maybe the universe, but we will always be human and to that end the lazy man on the couch is no different than the millionaire who busts his ass every day. Blah blah blah.

I do this also with differences. Because i do post my rants because i personally need a outlet.

[P-rotege]

Do you find yourself getting mad for little stuff or no reason at all? why a asked this is i do alot. I was diagnoised wuth ADD at 14 abd i am 31 now I take no meds for the reason i forget (I forget alot) Or just do not want to because i feel they are not working and cannot see why spending money on meds that are not helping me at all. I spend most of my time daydreaming about various things while i am working, driving, or on the computer.like i stated before i cannot stay on just one task or finish a task or rush through a task just to get it out of the way because i just boerd of that paticlar task.

I pretty much just drive myself crazy, one of my ex's always thought I was bi-polar because I would get realy pissed for something stupid, which in turn would pretty much ruin my entire day... I think I just have a really short fuse. One day my Camaro wouldn't start because the headers fried the starter, so I blew up and punched the crap out of it one good time... my knuckles were bloody and my car was pretty well dented. After that some guys saw me get really pissed and helped me pop-start the focker.

Do you ever forget what your talking about in the middle of a sentence? I do this a lot, especially while I am on the phone. Often times I will pause for a second, totally forget what I was going to say and won't remember until much later. That always pisses me off... Every so often I will repeat myself too, my little brother always catches me on it. For example, i'll ask what time it is, he will answer me meanwhile I am either spacing-out or thinking about something else not listening, then a minute or so later I will realize i don't know what time it is and ask him again.

I won't take medication for anything, I don't trust that stuff, side-effects and such. I live well enough without too many issues, aside from my horrible memory, so I don't feel a need to chemically alter my perception with medication.

[mazdaboy1974]

Oh yes i do There are times i forget where i am at or how i got there. This turns dangerous at work the other night i hit one of my mind blanks causing me to almost stamp my hand.And repeating myself is common for me and pisses my wife off.I usally find myself asking ppl if they get what i am saying b/c most of the time i do not understand what i am saying.or in mid sentence ill start talking about something completely different.

[P-rotege]

Oh yes i do There are times i forget where i am at or how i got there. This turns dangerous at work the other night i hit one of my mind blanks causing me to almost stamp my hand.And repeating myself is common for me and pisses my wife off.I usally find myself asking ppl if they get what i am saying b/c most of the time i do not understand what i am saying.or in mid sentence ill start talking about something completely different.

Hooray for people like us, we're awesome. lol, just don't stamp your hand, it won't be fun I am sure of that. Funny thing for me is, I used to have a really great memory. All the way through junior year of high school I got straight A's. Senior year I acquired the dreaded senior-itus, and I was also placed in Algebra II which I barely passed with a D+ becasue I can barely comprehend basic math, let alone Algebraic equations. Now for some reason I am becoming less and less intelligent, I blame it on computers .

I am laughing my ass off right now listening to my co-worker cussing out his computer, because of the pop-up ****s.... ROFL

[mazdaboy1974]

First tell your co worker to stop looking at porn.
I also cannot coperhend math at all.
because of the mishap with the press i am on a 3 day probation.witch means 3 days off without pay lust lucky i did not get fired.the sad thing is i am afarid my daughter has the same thing she is showing the same signs and i am afarid she will be treated like a idiot and picked on like i did in school. My days of school was hell if i was not getting jumped by teachers i was getting picked on by the other kids an that i really do not want for her . The stress from ADD has caused me to take attemps on my own life. and i really do not want that hell for her.

[P-rotege]

My brother is the same way. He is currently in reform school because my asshole dad won't take any time with the poor kid. He couldn't get along in school, he has horrible grades, and just loses interest in everything very quickly. He was suspended all the time for acting out in class and causing trouble. He is very smart and can figure things out quickly if he can focus, but that is his issue, like me he can't focus. My dad just gives him **** instead of genuinely attempting to help him, he's too interested in he "empire building" to be burdened by us stupid kids...

My little bro has also tried to take his life, he tried to jump of the 2nd story balcony at my dad's house, but my dad grabbed him seriously in mid-air. When he got to the reform schol he got a plastic bag and tried to suffocate himself with it. I haven't ever gotten to that point I just contemplate my end all the time, and wonder what I'm waiting for.

I have things pretty mild it seems to you and my brother, I just get lost in my head, and can't remember anything, and have a hard time keeping interest. I feel you man, I know how bad it can get with my little brother, though he and I have always been really close so we get along well. He always remembers everything I forget, and I explain things to him he doesn't understand. My dad says when he returns from school I will not be allowed to spend so much time with him because I am a negative influence. My dad says I am too negative about life, and I am only interested in my stupid cars, he says my social skills are lacking, and I care too little for others... I don't see it, but my dad just got divorced for the second time and it's always the women's fault... My sister ran away when she was 15 because she couldn't deal with his control-freak asshole ****. He just doesn't understand how he is, everyone thinks he's great because he is two-faced and just so perfect to all other outside of family, but towards family he is totally different. My girlfriend hates him because he "dissaproves" of her because she has a child, so he treats her like an inferior creature.

Oops i'm ranting, sorry.

Oh, and my co-worker only gets to watch porn when his wife is out-of-town, LOL....

[mazdaboy1974]

Oh damn that sounds so similar to my dad two faced in all But the worst i ever got was well when you ever get into a situation when the cops are called you should never say **** off pig cus that will land you with a disordly conduct charge. anyways back to the point at hand my dad ran off to il and left us and he clamis its my fault if it was not for my problems the family would be togeter still so i can feel for you bout your dad hearing stuff like that sets me off Does ppl confuse your brother's ADD with being crazy? That is the problem I have with my wife's grandmother She is a uppty ass stuck up bitch that is convinced i eventually going to kill her grandaughter. (well **** who will win my wife is 200 to my measly 150 lbs)But the contrary i'd be more likely to take my bitch slapping hand to her for constantly downgrading me every time the old battle axe visits.th3e latists was my wifes dad left his car at her house and she found a old water bill addressed yo me I'll be honest it was a shut off notice and she called my wife to chew her out about how i am not taking great care of her grandaughter. her and her son (my punk ass father in law) are out on a witch hunt for me and use my ADD as a great excuse to discredit me on every thing i do.

[P-rotege]

I just got a couple letters from my brother yesterday when I got home. He can't wait to get home. My dad thinks his behavior is "criminal" and if something isn't done he will turn out to be detrimental to society... BTW, I got pulled over in my camaro about 5yrs ago by 5patrol cars, for "squealing my tires" around a turn (positracion). I called the whole bunch of them pathetic assholes for wasting my time and making me late for work... The ticket then went from some minor infraction to; reckless driving, running two red lights, speeding, and nearly hitting 5 pedestrians. The only thing that saved me from those lying pieces of crap was my impeccable driving record, and the two "arresting officers" stories were both way off, one said my car was blue, one said gray, one said it was at 5:00, one said 6:00, etc. The judge discounted everything but made me pay a speeding ticket which was still bull**** but much less than it could have been.

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament with the women. I have been on-an-off with my women for the last 3yrs because she is seriously the only one that can deal with me. She doesn't let my stupid **** get to her, well not too much anyway. ADD isn't a horrible end-all issue in my mind, it's just the way some people are. Different is not good or bad imo, just different. I hate when people degrade others like that, what kind of outcome do they hope for? Myabe you will just dissapear, or somehow change all-of-a-sudden? What are their intentions with all the bitching, and finger-pointing. Talk is cheap, and won't change ****.

It's funny, don't take this as a bad thing but my brother writes exactly like you, no periods and just goes form one point to the next. I am not criticizing you so don't take it that way, I just realized how similiar your two minds probably function. Weird, do you ever have dreams about **** and then it happens, De Ja Vu, weird ****, I knew I was going to write that previous sentence, I have seen it before in a dream. Oops of topic, ignore that.

Okay, back to my regular schedule of trying to keep my mind occupied.

[mazdaboy1974]

Naa i know wy writing skills leave alot to be desired. When i was in college i had to take remedal classes and they were english and basic math. Both classes sucked because i just don't get it. and dropped out not once but twice and never went back. But kinda want to though, if i just can take a welding class without the remedials i be fine. I am more of a hands on person not a book work person. See i can wach something beiing done i can get it but if i have to read instructions well it is impossible.

[Enigmaz Powa]

Wow, i think i've just gained a new respect for ADD. I use to think of it as a "kop" out for being lazy. I always catergorized it as a lack of concentration, not an inability to concentrate.


Meaning of life

Its not to be dark. To have a dark out look is like being dead or limiting your self. Exitaintilism is supa gay.